A man learned the hard way that you can't exchange your half-eaten double cheeseburger for a McDouble at the Winder McDonald's. When he tried, police said, he used a lot of profanity, upsetting employees and customers. So he was charged with disorderly conduct.

Also in Winder, a man reported a rack of ribs stolen after a domestic dispute with his girlfriend. The melee also resulted in missing liquor, smeared beans and broken eyeglasses.

A domestic dispute in Dacula led to a man's claim that the woman who used to live with him has been stealing his mail since he threatened to evict her. She's also alleged to have called him a "bad person."

A silver pitcher, a China plate and some coins were among the missing items after a family left their home with a house sitter in Oconee County. When confronted, the Oconee County Sheriff's Office reports, the house sitter returned some of the items -- plus some bonus clothes that hadn't been reported missing.

A Fulton County man saw a familiar trailer on the road in DeKalb County -- the one that was stolen from him in 2009. He followed it out to unincorporated Lawrenceville, then called police, who discovered a chop shop on Gloster Road.

Two feces-related items follow:

• A man who had snorted bath salts to mix with alcohol and marijuana was arrested with excrement on his mouth and teeth in unincorporated Duluth. His mother had called police to say he was "walking around out of his mind, armed with a knife."
• Police said a Norcross woman defecated on herself after trying other tactics to stay out of trouble when she got pulled over for running a stop sign. The bribery attempt didn't work, either.

When all else fails, a quick change is one way to elude authorities. That's what a man did after being spotted shoplifting at the Lilburn Walmart. He was seen fleeing the store wearing glasses, a pink-and-white striped shirt, and khaki shorts. But when officers caught up with his Dodge Neon, the suspect was wearing a white T-shirt, no glasses and khaki shorts.

That failed, too.